It seems almost safer to just stay slightly starving, because hey, you know what to expect. And when that’s the case, it’s all about staying protected. The problem is when you wall up everything, nothing can get to you…
In North America, we might need to lose some extra chub but are starving from a core lack of love, and unable to experience appreciation and joy because of it.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. It is a leading cause of disability.
Anxiety Disorder Statistics. Anxiety Disorders affect 18.1 per cent of adults in the United States (approximately 40 million adults between the ages of 18 to 54). – National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
What is going on?
Here’s my theory. Many people suffer from Love Anorexia. They simply have been so starved from a deep love that they can only tolerate small amounts of joy from life, and at times throw it up if it is too much too soon. Or, not believe it if they haven’t worked hard for it, or contorted themselves to receive it. Being loved and accepted just because you are…that’s reserved for 6-year-olds. After 6, apparently, you are screwed and need to earn love by putting on a song and dance for others.
Why can’t we accept Love from just being ourselves?
Deep, core-level, pervasive unworthiness.
It is silent, and it is sneaky. Feeling “not good enough” is everywhere. From star athletes to leaders of industry to housewives and even children.
No one is supposed to talk about it, but everyone feels it.
People don’t want to complain, seem needy, seem weak, or seem “crazy” so they don’t speak up at all. They want to make it easy to be loved, so they decide who they think they need to be, and constantly try to maintain that “self-representative” in relationships. They can never dare to take down the facade and be who they are. Too risky.
So, the funny thing is- because unworthiness is so comical- we ALL want to be Seen, Loved, and Accepted as Human Beings…but have set up a societal system where we all have to hide, pretend and manufacture who we think we need to be.
This is exhausting after a while and continually feeds into that core unworthiness that we are not enough as we are.
How do we break free?
Just like an anorexic cannot start gorging on food on their road to recovery, someone starved of being able to receive love also has to start slowly.
- Because it is excessive, rather than nourishing and loving to suddenly shock the system with something new, even if it’s technically good for you.
- The body simply isn’t equipped to handle it…yet. You see, the body has become used to starving. Any change is perceived as stress, and stress is perceived as bad.
The body needs to take in only bits at a time and develop the digestive ability to begin working up the resources for thriving rather than surviving. But like any living organism, it can adapt with consistency.
Let me stress the stress part here. Change, even the good kind, will cause stress. This is when most people stop and turn back. If they experience discomfort, they typically just go back to the base unworthiness they are used to. When it comes to receiving love, it is an especially vulnerable experience to let go, be seen and receive. It seems almost safer to just stay slightly starving, because hey, you know what to expect. And when that’s the case, it’s all about staying protected.
The problem is when you wall up everything, nothing can get to you, but that includes the good stuff too. Like joy, enthusiasm, hope, excitement, gratitude, deep appreciation for life and others for seemingly no reason bubbles of happy may emerge…these are lots of reasons to consider a new diet of receiving more love from life.
Receiving love from life looks like:
- Accepting a compliment without deflecting or immediately changing the subject.
- Asking for what you want from loved ones, because you know they love you and you deserve their love, time and attention.
- Not going overboard with over giving, or feeling “bad” when someone gives to you and you don’t feel you have anything to give back. Again, you feel you don’t deserve it so you don’t quite accept when people give you.
- You think you owe people if you receive from them. When you learn to receive, you can simply enjoy receiving and fully be in that moment, which makes other people really happy too. So it’s a win-win.
- Expecting to get your needs met, but not having to micromanage the crap out of everything to get it done. You trust and accept it’s on its way. You do your part, and let life do its part to give to you.
- Healthy discernment and boundaries when people are overtaking and you are not receiving whatsoever.
- Having an open heart, which allows you to FEEL and experience those deeper levels of satisfaction you’ve been starving from and thought you’d never be fully fed. (Hence the depression feelings). An open heart informs your mind that there’s more than enough joy, and you may have your share.
- Having the courage to chose your life for you, knowing it is all going to work out for everyone.
Even if you think it’s hard to start letting in more love and acceptance, it is WAY better than living with your default as expecting nothing so you don’t get hurt, or closing off so you never get disappointed again… it doesn’t work.
It’s ok to feel disappointed or sad from time to time, you don’t have to close off and stay starved. You can begin taking in more life, one bit(e) at a time.