The Insecurity Cure: How to overcome your insecurities!

The Grumps is a state you get in, when for no obvious reason, you are low energy, irritable, thinking reactively and nothing makes you happy. Then you get angry you are grumpy, then you get irritated you are wasting time feeling upset and your day is wasted. Then for some odd reason you think of everything in your life that also is not going well….and off we go. For some folks, they even decide to binge watch online news to marinate in all the scary things in THE WORLD let alone their own life.

There is minimal tolerance for plans changing during the grumps. Patience is not a friend of the grumps.

There is also minimal tolerance for anything annoying anytime, anywhere, or from anyone.

Welcome to THE GRUMPS.

Some people that get the grumps might be concerned they are depressed. But, the grumps only last 1-7 days. 7 days is a long grumps run but once you can detect you are in a grumps slump, you can relax a bit knowing it is a phase and that it will pass. You haven’t done anything wrong necessarily, humans were built with feelings and when we avoid them they find ways to get our attention.

And they will.

Disclaimer: Depression is another thing. Definitely talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if that is the case.

For the grumps, if you start to trust yourself, meaning all of you, meaning your emotions and your body included, you won’t need these moody messengers to stay long, squatting in your mind, infecting your otherwise decent and happy life. The grumps cannot be ignored, they will win, they will hold on for dear life until you pay attention. But, when you learn to let them move through you, not resisting their existence, life will be better and perhaps more fulfilling when you can accept the full extent of your own emotional diversity.

Causes of THE GRUMPS and some perspectives on how to accept them so they can pass like a grumpy dark cloud just moving on through:

1. Avoiding Feelings Entirely as a Life Strategy is not Sustainable.

Feeling feelings is not a popular practice. Shoving them down and pretending they are not there- that’s more like it for 90% of people.

The problem is, where do feelings go when you shove them down? You never thought about it did you? Because you don’t want to.

Feelings have been given a bad rap: illogical, irrational, immature, unnecessary, unprofessional, only for kids or weak people, useless time and wasting…. So many negative associations with emotions have lead to people repressing their deeper vulnerable selves by shoving down their truth, and losing a huge part of their humanity in the process. If you don’t already know the term for this, It is called denial. Denial is convenient for short bursts to get through something in life but its not meant for a lasting life-long strategy.

Denial – Repressing something as if it were not there because you don’t have the capacity to deal with it, or you judge it and push it aside simply because you don’t know any better.

2. Over Thinking and Trying to “figure out why” is Futile.

Here’s the thing about the Grumps, they don’t care what you think, or where your think they came from. They just ARE. You simply are grumpy. They don’t need you to analyze everything. They need you to friggin’ stop- and listen. Feel and listen. Just stop, and slow down a bit. You cannot plough through a case of the grumps trying to overthink and analyze because we do not process emotions by thinking.

The Grumps might be telling you to take a quick break, or you might have a big life change coming and your emotional intelligence has messages for you. When you don’t stop and feel and tune in and pay attention the grumps can erupt out of nowhere with a vengeance.

But, they always pass when you accept them, and trust your body. They are ornery little emotional messengers literally trying to get your attention.

So stop thinking and spinning. And grab a pen and paper and LISTEN. Write down what comes.

If you need a prompt try these:

If I was truly deeply listening to myself, what would I need to know right now? (PAUSE, listen, take 1-2 min to let the answer bubble up from your body and heart.)

Show me the truth.

Show me what I am not seeing?

What do you need from me in order to feel heard or feel better? (Then do the thing if you can.)

3. Pushing, Rushing, Over-Planning or Over-Controlling with no Flow or Rhythm will not work 24/7, 365 days a year.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a good strategy. I do quarterly plans with post it notes, markers, and big white boards all the time. I schedule out meetings and events. I keep to a calendar for business flow, and also take most weekends off to be human Jenna the person, rather than Jenna an identity.

Here’s the thing, life doesn’t always fit on our strategy railway tracks. Life, is alive. When we try to push our agenda, without incorporating all of life’s rhythms, we will come to a halt…somehow.

It’s much better to listen to the Grumps before pushing yourself full speed down the wrong track. Right?

Let’s talk about control briefly.

If you need the outside world to change so you feel ok- that is controlling. When you can pay attention to your deep, inner needs you will stop projecting your victim needs onto the world and everyone else. Then you can reclaim your power and presence and come to resolutions to stress, chaos and drama.

This is a more powerful, harmonious way to live your life underneath your stress. Tending to your inner interpretations and reactions to come into a state of harmony no matter what other people did or didn’t do, or whatever you think is irking you, will return you back to personal power and inner harmony. If you fixate on what’s wrong “out there” your Grumps will start unpacking their boxes and calling your mind home. You don’t want life to push and pull you emotionally all over the place. Letting everything “out there” run your emotions does just that. When you let your grumps take you deep into your own truth and centre by honouring your feelings, you can resolve stress from the root and pull that space-taking, sucker out.

4. People Pleasing = Self Abandoning

Caring what people think- changing who you are, what you need, and how you see life to avoid conflict or achieve validation – is self abandonment.You leaving YOU for other’s approval is self betrayal.

This will luckily lead to your emotional guidance perking up and needing to wake you up to a toxic habit. Unfortunately, the emotional toxicity of people pleasing aka caring what people thing, is still a societal norm which makes people think it is normal. Just because people have been doing it a lot, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

Your body is super duper intelligent, and your emotional intelligence is one of the best guides you could have in life.

When you get abandoned or betrayed by someone who do you feel?

Angry?

Sad?

Hurt?

Right.

So, when you leave you, you will feel these things.

Trust yourself. Tune into your truth. BE you and let your relationships be transformed around you so the right people will be your friends, dating partners, co-workers, etc… rather than constantly doing a song and dance wearing a myriad of masks you put on to be liked and accepted by others.

The grumps is your best friend if this is the message it is waking you up to.

5. Inner Child/Vulnerable Self Needs might need some attention.

Play, rest, dawdling ramble-filled spontaneous days, creativity, being willing to get it wrong, connecting with others with no agenda, doing something you want to do just cuz…these are all examples of inner child friendly ways to spend time. Naps, dancing, colouring, making something pretty but not perfect… you get the idea.

Honestly, just read The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron. Her tools are classic, simple, and deeply effective to connect to your inner creative self, which IS your inner vulnerable, child-like self.

If you have been neglecting these parts, the Grumps will be inevitable. Let them guide you to more JOY by showing you when your life gets too “meh.”

6. Are your Grumps a Healing Opportunity?

When you are feeling good. You should feel good right? Well, sometimes once we gain even ground and have more inner and outer resources OLD feelings come up to be processed.

This is a Healing Opportunity!

What’s really fascinating about healing opportunities, is that life will rally around you and clear your schedule and soften your load so you can have some time to be with what is arising. Take that time and trust that you will move through some past healing in the present moment with the intelligence of your body and heart guiding you. With healing be gentle, slow, and kind.

Again, don’t make yourself wrong for feeling something other than happy or grateful.

Listen, feel, take the time for yourself.

You matter, and your life will speak to you through your emotions sometimes.

Next time you have some grumpy feelings arise just let yourself ride that wave. Don’t shove it down again, “the only way out is through” is a cliche in the healing and self development world for a reason.

I jokingly let my friends and family know I’m in a grumps. It helps me know I don’t need to fake it or “be on” for others. They know they don’t need to fix me either because I have trained them well in what my needs are. So, it’s just a neutral thing like, “I bought coffee this morning.” “Im in a bit of a grumps, and I’m going to see what they are telling me.”

Accepting your Grumps is accepting yourself. Let yourself be and feel all the things, that’s what life’s about.

Get your Grumps on.

🙂 ….sorry I meant 🙁